I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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