sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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