If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
