I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
