More tranny stories later!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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