He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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