Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
where am i from again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
