We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
