An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The air was thick with penises
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
