R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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