He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
