Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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