I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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