Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just invented taco cereal.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
