if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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