i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
