i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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