1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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