I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
