You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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