Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
