Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
