It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My balls are so social today.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
