By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
