I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
