you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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