She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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