Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
