letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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