Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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