Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
