Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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