Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
