I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
