dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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