everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
