A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
