Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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