Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
