i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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