we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
