The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
