He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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