maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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