I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
