i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize