Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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