I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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