Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wanna passion pit in your ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
