he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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