I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
