my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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