as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
