idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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