Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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