I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
