At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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