The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
