Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
