sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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