There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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