My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
