I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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