Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
