every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
