I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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