I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
