That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
