This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
