I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
