so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
