Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's paint friendship bongs
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
