all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
