If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
