I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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