i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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