were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
