do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Randomize
