I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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