She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
