im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
