1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
