About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
