God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize