please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
