She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize