And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
