Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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