I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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