thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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