So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
that may or may not have been my penis.
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