Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
