just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
