It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
