It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
