I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
