Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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