I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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