So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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