Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
