I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
