So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize