Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize