i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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