I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
