are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
