worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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